Episode 93: Loyalty Shmoyalty

Sandy and Tara talk about what employee “loyalty” means – today and in the past – and how it seems to be performing a disappearing act. So what’s next? How do employers (re?) engage that loyalty? Or, is that even a reality anymore? And if not…how do employers make themselves attractive to a workforce that no longer values an engraved gold watch?

Key Takeaways:

• In the 20th century, employee loyalty seemed to be real! Was that because of a desire for/expectation of a clear career ladder and retirement security? Or maybe because there were fewer employment options back then?

• There has been a significant shift in the balance of power and employees are making it clear they want more influence over their lives and how work fits in.

• As an employer, it’s time to let go of the assumption of loyalty from your employees…and to become comfortable with the concept that you can’t be everything to all your employees. Stop trying to tick ALL the boxes!

• We reference the book, “Workquake,” by Steve Cadigan. It’s a timely read as it examines current workplace trends and our prevailing narratives about the employee-employer relationship.

Episode 77: Time for Some Feedback on Feedback

We learn and grow when we know how we are doing, and, for most of us, our go-to method for figuring out how we are doing is to rely on the feedback of others. Still, many of us generally find giving and receiving feedback uncomfortable. How come? And, does it have something to do with the word itself??

Key Takeaways:

• There are differences between criticism and feedback, and one of the key differences is context. We need context!

• If you are asking for feedback, be specific about what you want feedback on.

• Feedback is so one-way! It feels like you just have to sit there and take it. It’s time to reframe feedback as a conversation.

Bonus Takeaway:

• While we all love sandwiches...no more sh$t sandwiches! Take the bread off and get to the point.

Episode 73: Mirror Mirror

Lately, it seems that we have had a lot more time to be introspective. Maybe it’s because of COVID (for sure, it is partially related to COVID), maybe it is because of the general state of the world… Who knows? What we do know… is that introspection and self-reflection generally lead to self-awareness, and self-awareness hopefully reduces jerkiness at work! In other words, when it comes to not being a jerk at work, it all starts with YOU! And US! (Not just you. We need the mirror, too!)

Key Takeaways:

• Reflection is thinking...about...something. 🤔 How is that for descriptive??

• If you notice you generally reflect during challenging times, try doing it when something has gone really well, too!

• It’s okay to be uncomfortable when we self-reflect. Keep looking anyway! Practice, practice, practice.

Episode 71: Toxic Positivity at Work

We thought it would be a strong contrast to follow up our gratitude episode with one on toxic positivity. Before we could even get into a discussion on this topic, we had to get clear on what the heck it is! Our nutshell definition goes something like this: glazing over or ignoring the crappiness of a situation and not acknowledging how hard something might be, and how negatively it may be impacting someone, a team or a company. Often, it’s combined with a lot of finding-of-silver-linings, something that the three of us, who lean towards being positive, are prone to do. We’ve got some contrasting points of view this time! At least we are still friends though. (See what we did there?) :)

Key Takeaways:

• One thing we all agreed on is that, at first, the notion of this made us mega eyerolllllll.

• Don’t pretend the tough stuff isn’t happening! If you’ve got crappy news to share with your team, be up front about it, having an authentic conversation, and then move to solution-finding.

• Positivity and platitudes are going to impact people in really different ways, and, as always, positive intention doesn’t mitigate impact. Three things to keep in mind: topic, timing, audience.

Episode 68: Everyone is a Leader to Someone

Has anyone ever said anything to you that has just stuck? That definitely happened to us when our good friend and co-host, Tara Kemes, casually said one day, “Everyone is a leader to someone.” That was probably 3 years ago and since that time, this phrase has been repeated and used by us many times. Thank you Tara for those inspiring words and for inspiring our episode topic for today.

In this episode, we unpack our thoughts on what leadership is and how that definition has changed for us over time. We also talk about the limiting beliefs (from ourselves or others) that hold us back from being the leader we want to be. And then of course, we talk about ways to push back on those limiting beliefs.

Key Takeaways:

• Lead by example! Every time you make the choice to be a better workplace human, you give permission for someone else to do the same.

• Use these COVID times as an opportunity to practice being the leader you want to be.

• Leadership can happen anytime, anywhere, and everyday.

• Don’t worry about making mistakes and being perfect. Get back up and keep going, even if it feels kinda crappy on some days.

Episode 63: Don't Let ONE Jerk Ruin it ALL!

During recruitment, one thing that consistently comes up from candidates is that they want to work somewhere with a good team and people that work well together. In many ways, that idea seems pretty baseline…of course, most of us want to work with people that we like and work well with. But it did get us thinking…how realistic is this wish? Are we going to get along with all of the people, all of the time?

Key Takeaways:

• If it’s really one person, think about all the other people you enjoy working with everyday! Do your values align with most of the people you work with? Try and get some perspective before determining that quitting is the only option.

• Adaptability is imperative to finding a way to work with people we perceive are jerks. See if you can still create connection with people that you don’t automatically like.

• While it’s all of our responsibility to address the jerks and the jerky behaviour, it’s especially your responsibility If you are in a position of power and influence. 

Bonus Takeaway:

• Don’t let the jerks win!

Episode 59: Who do you BE?

WHAT do you want to be when you grow up? Or, what do you want to DO when you grow up? This is a classic question that, probably, many of us have been asked in our lives. What if the question was different? Rather, WHO do you BE? Take the focus off the what, and really make a bigger deal about WHO we want to BE.

How much does this version of the questions make us pause and really reflect? In this episode's conversation, we see we really have a lot in common when we look at who each of us are striving to be. 

Key Takeaways:

• Pause, take a moment and think, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” Will that prevent some jerky behaviours?

• Traveling...the great re-start! It’s like you get to be a fresh version of yourself!

• Dr. Bonnie Henry. Wow. She is really showing us another style of leadership. She is showing up as who she is. What an inspiration. You be YOU, Dr. Henry! Thank you!

Episode 54: HR is a Jerk

On a recent episode of the podcast, Skimm’d From the Couch, the hosts (Carly and Danielle) interviewed Gretchen Carlson. In the interview, Gretchen made the comment that if employees are harassed at work, they should NOT go to HR because HR is on the “side of the company.” This did grab our attention and it got us thinking…what is the role of HR in an organization? And as HR pros, how do we balance being there for the people AND repping the company? How do we shift this notion so that HR is not seen as a workplace jerk?

Key Takeaways:

• The definition of the HR function really depends on what organization it's within, from policing liability and mitigating risk to creating and fostering a great place to work, and everything in between!

• Often people associate negative interactions when they think of HR -- the classic pink slip, a performance issue, etc. The bad experiences are usually the stories people tell. Do what you can to NOT be seen as the complaints department! 

• Focus on integrity rather than likeability.

Episode 53: Leggo My Ego!

Oh, ego.

In this episode, we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly that can result from our egos taking centre stage. Egos can definitely lead to some jerky behaviours at work.

Tech note: We had some challenges with our sound this episode. The levels are off. Distance podcasting is not always easy! Thanks for bearing with us while we try to sort it out for next time!

Key Takeaways:

• Ego pro: Failure isn’t an option. It doesn’t even cross our minds, which means we may take some (smart) risks and have some excellent opportunities and results!

• Ego con: Can lead to hero behaviours. We can fix and solve everything, even when no one asks us to be their hero. Besides rubbing people the wrong way, this can also take away opportunities from other people to be accountable and try new things. 

• Ego and gender: are women judged with more skepticism when they show up with ego? Are men unfairly judged when they show up as confident? Hmmmm, we are a bit split on this one.

Episode 52: That's Not My Place

Is minding our own business always a good thing? Ooooo, good question! Often, when people come to us with an opinion, suggestion, or concern that they have yet to voice, they tell us that the reason they haven’t put it forward is because it is, “not their place.” In this episode, we talk about how minding your own business, putting your head in the sand, and not getting involved is not always a good thing and can even make you the jerk!

Note: this episode is a companion episode to Putting Down the Gavel, episode 50.

Key Takeaways:

• In our experience, one of the reasons people don’t speak up and default to, “that’s just not my place,” is FEAR. And as we know, fear is a jerk!

• A couple of questions to ask yourself: Am I waiting for someone else to do something? If so, what makes them more accountable?

• You can be a better workplace human at any level of position in an organization. You don’t have to be a boss or a manager or a leader by title. You can be a leader by being a better colleague to your colleagues and modeling awesome workplace behaviours.

Episode 50: Putting Down the Gavel

What can we do differently at work to be less judgy and how can we learn to better mind our own business? 

Even when we keep our judgy thoughts to ourselves, it’s still not a positive thing. Is there a way to reduce these thoughts from the get-go?And what about those mother-daughter relationships!? The judging behaviours seem to be at full-tilt there. Why is that? Hmmmmm… We go deep!

Key Takeaways:

• Unless your name is Judy, is it ever really acceptable to pass judgment?

• There can be a real snowball effect! Like a lot of negative things, it can spiral. No good! Even more no good during extremely stressful times like the one we are in now.

• When we put down the gavel, we are way more likely to be able to see and hear other peoples’ opinions and great ideas which of course is valuable and builds connection.

Bonus Takeaway:

• Uggs and those who wear them deserve to be judged. Enough said. (Joking! Sort of.)

Episode 49: Imposter Syndrome, What a Poser!

Due to COVID-19, this is our first remote podcast recording! The show must go on!

Imposter syndrome describes feelings of severe inadequacy and self-doubt that can leave people fearing that they will be exposed as a “fraud”, usually in their work lives. And you know what? Imposter syndrome is a real jerk! In this episode, we share our own experiences with imposter syndrome (we have many!) and discuss how to support not only ourselves when we feel this way, but our colleagues and even bosses, too.

Key Takeaways:

• Imposter syndrome has impacted us all at various times in our lives -- starting a new job/gig, releasing the DBAJAW podcast for the first time, going back to school, writing a book, to name only a few.

• The doubt we feel almost always comes from ourselves! It takes work to push through this discomfort -- it’s okay to be uncomfortable.

• Another jerky behaviour of imposter syndrome is that it rarely self-isolates and it tends to spill over into other parts of our lives, making us feel like we are inadequate in those areas too. Remember to ask your trusted people for support in these times.

Episode 48: Attention Attention

A few episodes ago we conversed about emotional intelligence and how developing a high EQ may help us to reduce some jerky behaviours. Continuing on that thread, this week, we are talking about paying attention and noticing the people and work being done around us. If we intentionally tune in, do we notice things differently? If we want to be better workplace humans, what are the things we need to be noticing?

Key Takeaways:

• Three questions to ask ourselves:

  • How do I want to show up today?

  • How did I show up today?

  • How do I know? (Did I leave the impression I thought I did??)

• Reflect back on some feedback you’ve received; take stock and identify what might be areas for you to focus on for professional development. It might even be something you are already good at and you can get even better at!

• Make sure we don’t only notice the negative stuff. Make an effort to notice the good work people are doing, too!

Episode 45: Sweet Emotion

Though definitions vary, Emotional Intelligence, or EQ generally refers to the capacity of a person to be aware and in control of their emotions as well as their ability to handle their interpersonal relationships with empathy and sensitivity.  Could developing high EQ be the antidote to fighting your inner jerk??  

Hmmmmm, let’s discuss.

Key Takeaways:

• Using our EQ can help us from leaping from emotion to emotion, and allow us to slow down, open our brains, and get curious.

• Overusing EQ can go sideways! You can lose your boundaries, take on other peoples’ problems too much, and, exhaustingly and irritatingly, always try to be the hero.

• Rather than treating others how we know we’d like to be treated, put in the effort to learn what respectful treatment looks like, and feels like, for them.

Episode 35: Quit Jerking Me Around!

If transparency and authenticity are key to being a great leader, what do you do when you are asked a tough question you don't feel you can or are even allowed to answer? In this episode, we discuss various situations that may arise at work when you simply don’t know how to, or if you even could, or should, respond. 

Key Takeaways:

• There IS such a thing as too much transparency. Sometimes, there are details that are yours to carry. It may feel like a burden. As a leader, those burdens are yours.

• Say something, even if it is nothing. If you make a commitment to communicating, especially in a given timeframe, follow through. The update may simply be...no news yet!

• Sandy wins with the usage of the word “performative!” Take note of context/audience. How you deliver info, and what exact information you deliver, may vary depending on with whom you are talking.

Episode 26: Decisions, decisions...

We make decisions every day, all day. At work, how do we make tough decisions, and not be a jerk even when it may not be a popular decision? When is it suitable to rely on consensus, majority or dictating the decision yourself? This week, we share our experiences with these challenging situations and talk about some approaches that may make them a bit less complex. 

Key Takeaways: 

• Be aware of the difference between people liking you and respecting your decision. 

• Think about the scope of the decision before you decide to invite the whole company, or several people, anyway, to participate in making a decision.

• Trust your expert teammates! If you aren’t the expert in an area that you need to make a decision, collaborate with the person who is. (Yes, we know that sort of conflicts with the previous takeaway!)

Episode 15: The Inadvertent Jerk

This episode was inspired by one of our listeners. Jake’s questions are: How do you manage jerk behavior that is intended to be humorous? How does intended bonding turn into harm? We love these questions and they got us thinking about all of those actions and behaviours that we see as well-intentioned but that others see as jerky. On this episode, we explore the impact of off-handed remarks and observational comments, ways to react/respond if you are on the receiving end of said comment, and ways to improve our own self-awareness around what we say and do.

 Key Takeaways:

• Stop for a moment and think about how what you’re about to say or do may impact the other person; approach every interaction from a place of empathy

• If you’re on the receiving end of a comment, breathe and get some space before responding

• If someone lets you know that you’ve been an “inadvertent jerk,” own it, thank them for letting you know, and seek to understand

• Intention doesn’t mitigate impact

• We reference and recommend:

  • “Difficult Conversation: How to Discuss What Matters Most,” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen

  • Fierce Conversations

  • “Leadership and Self-Deception; Getting Out of the Box,” by Arbinger Institute

Episode 2: When the Talking Gets Tough

Have you ever avoided a tough conversation at work?  Although we don’t have a magic solution or an online form that will solve your problem for you (yes, we’ve been asked for those!), there are ways to have tough conversations without coming across as a jerk. This episode is all about the importance of having those tough conversations, as hard as they may seem. We discuss tough topics for managers and employees, common reasons why people avoid having tough conversations, and how you can begin building your confidence and get better at it. In this episode, Tara refers to the program, “Fierce Conversations,” which is all about the importance of having effective conversations. Tough conversations are hard but with courage and practice, they will get easier!

This episode is for managers (new and experienced) who may be faced with a difficult workplace situation. It’s also a great listen for employees who may want to bring up a tough topic or who want to gain some insight into their manager’s perspective.