Episode 58: Out of Sight But Not Out of Mind
Remote working. Virtual teams. That is the situation many of us find ourselves in now. Before coronavirus, the consensus on the effectiveness of remote working seemed split. But now, we are in it and will likely be in it for the foreseeable future. One of the hardest adjustments for people seems to be the loss of connection. It turns out that all of the informal and in-between meeting chit chat played a huge part in creating connection and building relationships. So, in this new normal, how can we be out of sight but not out of mind?
Key Takeaways:
While you may not need to connect with someone today, someone else may really need that from you. Keep this in mind and do your part to foster connected, trusting, relationships with people at work no matter what your job title is.
Be adaptable! This is all so fluid. Don’t assume that how you show up today will be what is needed tomorrow.
Episode 57: The Gift of Asking for What You Need
These days, if you are fortunate to be healthy and working, you are probably working from home. If you are a boss, you have likely discovered that a “management by walking around style” doesn’t work as well during a pandemic. And, if you are an employee, it has likely meant that you need to take more responsibility for “being seen” and asking for what you need. But are you asking for too much? What is too much? When does asking for what you need start becoming “needy?”
Key Takeaways:
Many of us are scared to ask for what we need. To overcome that fear, consider:
What will be different if I ask for what I need or ask to be supported differently?
What will happen if I continue keeping it to myself?
How would I feel if someone asked me for the same help/compassion we are asking of them?
Challenge your own perceptions of why you might see someone as “needy”
It’s a gift to help someone. And it’s a gift to allow someone to help us!
Episode 56: Let's Talk Mental Health At Work
We have noticed that COVID-19 is impacting us and the people we work with in waves. And now, with many people working remotely, it is hard to know if our colleagues are struggling. When it comes to talking about mental health, many people (including the 3 of us) are unsure about how to check in with each other or even if we can. So, what did we do? We invited an expert to join our conversation!
We were so excited to welcome our friend, Sean Raible to talk about this very important topic. Sean is the founder of, Game Plan Total Rewards Consulting, where he provides strategic consulting and project management services around total rewards and workplace mental health programs. Just like us, he is passionate about creating better workplace humans. You can find out more about Sean at www.gameplantotalrewards.ca and at www.changeonelife.ca.
Key Takeaways
We don’t know what we don’t know; take the time to pause and be more compassionate about our own thinking and how we see others.
Consider using the ‘4 Quadrant Exercise’ to frame conversations about mental health.
As a boss, how are you taking care of yourself? Taking care of yourself puts you in the best place to support others.
Words matter –our words can positively change outcomes; any easy change is to replace ‘should/must’ with ‘consider.’
Episode 55: It's a Sign!
Are signs in the workplace really effective? How can we communicate to colleagues that we don’t like their behaviour without coming across as a jerk ourselves? Heads up! We have a deep discussion about farting at work. This episode is a real gas!
Key Takeaways:
Before posting a sign, consider: is the message really for EVERYONE? Or could this be a more direct conversation with a specific person?
Too many signs may result in people reading NONE of the signs.
The sign may have the opposite effect and the offender will do the offending behaviour even more. Look out for the backfire!
Bonus Takeaway:
Do not go into a pool if you have active diarrhea. Enough said.
Episode 54: HR is a Jerk
On a recent episode of the podcast, Skimm’d From the Couch, the hosts (Carly and Danielle) interviewed Gretchen Carlson. In the interview, Gretchen made the comment that if employees are harassed at work, they should NOT go to HR because HR is on the “side of the company.” This did grab our attention and it got us thinking…what is the role of HR in an organization? And as HR pros, how do we balance being there for the people AND repping the company? How do we shift this notion so that HR is not seen as a workplace jerk?
Key Takeaways:
The definition of the HR function really depends on what organization it's within, from policing liability and mitigating risk to creating and fostering a great place to work, and everything in between!
Often people associate negative interactions when they think of HR -- the classic pink slip, a performance issue, etc. The bad experiences are usually the stories people tell. Do what you can to NOT be seen as the complaints department!
Focus on integrity rather than likeability.
Episode 53: Leggo My Ego!
Oh, ego.
In this episode, we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly that can result from our egos taking centre stage. Egos can definitely lead to some jerky behaviours at work.
Tech note: We had some challenges with our sound this episode. The levels are off. Distance podcasting is not always easy! Thanks for bearing with us while we try to sort it out for next time!
Key Takeaways:
Ego pro: Failure isn’t an option. It doesn’t even cross our minds, which means we may take some (smart) risks and have some excellent opportunities and results!
Ego con: Can lead to hero behaviours. We can fix and solve everything, even when no one asks us to be their hero. Besides rubbing people the wrong way, this can also take away opportunities from other people to be accountable and try new things.
Ego and gender: are women judged with more skepticism when they show up with ego? Are men unfairly judged when they show up as confident? Hmmmm, we are a bit split on this one.
Episode 52: That's Not My Place
Is minding our own business always a good thing? Ooooo, good question! Often, when people come to us with an opinion, suggestion, or concern that they have yet to voice, they tell us that the reason they haven’t put it forward is because it is, “not their place.” In this episode, we talk about how minding your own business, putting your head in the sand, and not getting involved is not always a good thing and can even make you the jerk!
Note: this episode is a companion episode to Putting Down the Gavel, episode 50.
Key Takeaways:
In our experience, one of the reasons people don’t speak up and default to, “that’s just not my place,” is FEAR. And as we know, fear is a jerk!
A couple of questions to ask yourself: Am I waiting for someone else to do something? If so, what makes them more accountable?
You can be a better workplace human at any level of position in an organization. You don’t have to be a boss or a manager or a leader by title. You can be a leader by being a better colleague to your colleagues and modeling awesome workplace behaviours.
Episode 51: Don't Be a Jerk During HOME Work
There are many front-line workers courageously working to support us during COVID-19. Thank you so much to them!
For those of us fortunate to continue working, we are working from home. And our mantra of don’t be a jerk at work applies to this situation, too! In this minisode, we discuss some of the aspects of working from home that may lead to jerky AND lovely behaviours in ourselves, our colleagues, and our employers.
Key Takeaways:
Remember self-compassion
Adjusting to a new normal takes time; don’t expect perfection from yourself and others
It’s okay to not be baking bread right now!
Episode 50: Putting Down the Gavel
What can we do differently at work to be less judgy and how can we learn to better mind our own business?
Even when we keep our judgy thoughts to ourselves, it’s still not a positive thing. Is there a way to reduce these thoughts from the get-go?And what about those mother-daughter relationships!? The judging behaviours seem to be at full-tilt there. Why is that? Hmmmmm… We go deep!
Key Takeaways:
Unless your name is Judy, is it ever really acceptable to pass judgment?
There can be a real snowball effect! Like a lot of negative things, it can spiral. No good! Even more no good during extremely stressful times like the one we are in now.
When we put down the gavel, we are way more likely to be able to see and hear other peoples’ opinions and great ideas which of course is valuable and builds connection.
Bonus Takeaway:
Uggs and those who wear them deserve to be judged. Enough said. (Joking! Sort of.)
Episode 49: Imposter Syndrome, What a Poser!
Due to COVID-19, this is our first remote podcast recording! The show must go on!
Imposter syndrome describes feelings of severe inadequacy and self-doubt that can leave people fearing that they will be exposed as a “fraud”, usually in their work lives. And you know what? Imposter syndrome is a real jerk! In this episode, we share our own experiences with imposter syndrome (we have many!) and discuss how to support not only ourselves when we feel this way, but our colleagues and even bosses, too.
Key Takeaways:
Imposter syndrome has impacted us all at various times in our lives -- starting a new job/gig, releasing the DBAJAW podcast for the first time, going back to school, writing a book, to name only a few.
The doubt we feel almost always comes from ourselves! It takes work to push through this discomfort -- it’s okay to be uncomfortable.
Another jerky behaviour of imposter syndrome is that it rarely self-isolates and it tends to spill over into other parts of our lives, making us feel like we are inadequate in those areas too. Remember to ask your trusted people for support in these times.
Episode 48: Attention Attention
A few episodes ago we conversed about emotional intelligence and how developing a high EQ may help us to reduce some jerky behaviours. Continuing on that thread, this week, we are talking about paying attention and noticing the people and work being done around us. If we intentionally tune in, do we notice things differently? If we want to be better workplace humans, what are the things we need to be noticing?
Key Takeaways:
Three questions to ask ourselves:
How do I want to show up today?
How did I show up today?
How do I know? (Did I leave the impression I thought I did??)
Reflect back on some feedback you’ve received; take stock and identify what might be areas for you to focus on for professional development. It might even be something you are already good at and you can get even better at!
Make sure we don’t only notice the negative stuff. Make an effort to notice the good work people are doing, too!
Episode 47: Play Nice With Others
We talk all the time about the importance of NOT being a jerk at work and yet when we look around, there are so many examples of successful jerks out there. How does this happen? In this episode, we talk about the correlation between success and jerky behaviours, the sustainability of that success, and whether or not being the big boss gives you permission to be a bit of a jerk sometimes. (Hint: it doesn’t!)
Key Takeaways:
Speak to people with the same amount of respect, regardless of their level of experience or position in the organization.
Business can be business and require some really tough decisions...and you still don’t have to be a jerk! At the same time, just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean they are a jerk. Lack of likeability does not equal a jerk!
Watch out that you don’t mis-label succinct and efficient behaviours as jerky. Maybe y’all simply have different values.
Episode 46: You Must Be Mistaken
Phrases like, “we learn from our mistakes,” and “fail fast, fail often” imply that there is no shame in making a mistake. Is that really true? Or are we mistaken? While we are surrounded by learning opportunities every day, we’re not sure that all mistakes are treated equally. On today’s episode, we talk about the reality of making mistakes at work.
Key Takeaways:
There is a difference between good faith mistakes vs bad faith mistakes. Good faith mistakes, generally, don’t destroy trust.
Making responsible mistakes is inevitable when we try and get away from perfection paralysis! This is the same when we are growing in our careers and trying things for the first time.
If we say we are encouraging and forgiving of learning mistakes made by others, are we as forgiving with ourselves when we make a mistake?
Episode 45: Sweet Emotion
Though definitions vary, Emotional Intelligence, or EQ generally refers to the capacity of a person to be aware and in control of their emotions as well as their ability to handle their interpersonal relationships with empathy and sensitivity. Could developing high EQ be the antidote to fighting your inner jerk??
Hmmmmm, let’s discuss.
Key Takeaways:
Using our EQ can help us from leaping from emotion to emotion, and allow us to slow down, open our brains, and get curious.
Overusing EQ can go sideways! You can lose your boundaries, take on other peoples’ problems too much, and, exhaustingly and irritatingly, always try to be the hero.
Rather than treating others how we know we’d like to be treated, put in the effort to learn what respectful treatment looks like, and feels like, for them.
Episode 44: What's Your Intention?
Many companies have a tradition of creating funny videos, skits, or events as part of their corporate fun. Earlier this year, Manulife Financial issued a public apology for what they are calling a, “spoof rap video that was part of the executive team’s year-end message.” (Link below) This was an internal video that was retracted after some employees said that they were offended by it.
This got us thinking, and talking, obviously -- what do you do when activities and programs at work, even when well-intended, are called out as offensive?
Key Takeaways:
Just because only 10% of the organization feels offended, doesn’t mean that it’s okay. This isn’t a “majority rules” kind of situation.
Lead with curiosity! If you are organizing company activities and someone tells you they are offended, ask for more info. You may have had the best of intentions and you still missed the mark.
Check your eye roll! Sure, in some cases, you may feel super frustrated that someone tells you they are offended...but be aware of your own reactions and try to be honest with yourself about where they come from.
Episode 43: Fear is a Jerk
We all have that little voice that tells us we could screw up, get hurt, look stupid, fail. Sometimes it's a whisper, sometimes it's using a megaphone. It's fear, and it's a jerk. In this episode, we talk about how it shows up for us, and what you can do to get it to shut the heck up!
Key Takeaways:
That fear voice can be very smart and can camouflage itself with logic. Watch out for it trying to "protect" you!
Fear can supply ALL sorts of reasons to avoid hard conversations. And while that may feel like a relief in the moment, it's not helpful in the end...to ourselves or to the persons we really should be speaking with.
Why doesn't fear hold more people back from karaoke?? We (two of us, anyway) wish it did. Kidding! (Sort of.)
Episode 42: Words to Live By 2020
At the start of 2019, we each identified a word that we would use to guide us, inspire us, and remind us of how we wanted to move through the year. We’ve done that again for 2020 and we are ready to announce our words and share them with our DBAJAW community. Have you picked a word for 2020?
Episode 41: The Friend Zone
How do we navigate friendships at work? Does it make a difference if you were already friends rather than if you have become new friends at work? What if there is one friend who reports into another or you simply aren’t on the same position level? We think it does make a difference! So much to discuss about friends in the workplace. And if you are an HR professional, that adds a whole other consideration into the mix! Sheesh, so complicated!
Key Takeaways:
Friends, or not, when you are at work, keep it professional, people!
As always, be mindful of and consistent with your boundaries. You can be authentically friendly at work and still keep those relationships confined to the workplace.
If there is a reporting dynamic, be extra conscientious of the friend zone, and the perception your co-workers may have of the situation. Perceptions matter! Even if we wish they didn’t.
Episode 40: Pay Your Dues, Or You Lose
Is the practice of paying your dues long OVERDUE for a change?? A common belief that we all grew up with was that to get ahead, you’d have to pay your dues. That generally meant working long hours, enduring crappy jobs, and generally saying yes to everything. In this episode, we talk about today’s work environments and how this expression may be outdated, even if the essence of it still has value.
Key Takeaways:
It sounds outdated and implies that you owe something to your employer in an already power imbalanced relationship.
Let’s reframe the meaning of the expression -- paying your dues is about showing people, not telling people what you are capable of.
Before grumbling about how lame it is to pay your dues, think about what your goal is and whether this work is going to help you achieve it...WITHOUT compromising your ethics!
Episode 39: It's All About Me
Happy New Year! We are back.
While we hope 2020 is a great year for YOU, in this episode, we talk about how employee entitlement shows up at work and what can happen when we behave in a way that comes across as, “It’s all about me!” We discuss where the attitude comes from, what to do if someone on your team shows these tendencies, and how to recognize if you may be showing up as entitled.
Key Takeaways:
Ego is a common driver of the entitlement attitude - when we compare ourselves to others versus focusing on the goals of our roles and the objectives of the company.
Be curious - try to understand where the other person (the entitled one!) is coming from. Don’t take it personally! And be curious with yourself - why is this bugging you?
Watch out if you take the avocados away! That will bite you in the ass. (When the perk is no longer a perk because it has become expected.)