Episode 87: The Great Cliché

This time, we talk about Tara’s very recent decision to quit her job and make a departure, after 20 years, from the animation industry. This is definitely a Great Resignation story, and we discuss how this is both simultaneously uncomfortable AND reassuring. As of the publish date, Tara is one week into the rest of her life! What’s next??

Key Takeaways:

• Sometimes the biggest A-HA moments come when we see ourselves reflected by the people around us.

• Our careers can be really impactful to our identities. When we are so often asked, “So, what do you do???” – Who are we without our careers?

• If you are thinking about an idea and want to see it become more real, consider talking about it with your people! Talking about it may create more accountability. Annnnnd, if you are making a big life-change decision, find your “boosters”!! And talk to them often.

Also:

• Is a “retirement job” something that other people are planning on?? Asking for a friend…

Episode 80: The Anguishing of Languishing

Burnt out. Languishing. Unmotivated. Tired. Stuck. Many of us have had these general feelings of malaise over the past 15 months and lately...well lately, it seems even more acute.

A recurring theme that we’ve been hearing from leaders and HR professionals is that they are feeling helpless when it comes to the topic of employee burnout. They have been seeing employee burnout throughout the pandemic and supporting their teams and colleagues as best as they can. But, they are also experiencing burnout and that leaves them with a lot less capacity to lead and support others. And less capacity is typically a recipe for us inadvertently becoming jerks at work. So, what to do??

Key Takeaways:

• It is important to talk about this because it is real! Talking about it makes it more okay.

• All of us are responsible, regardless of job title, to take care and notice burnout, and that our colleague, our employee, may be languishing. 

• In spite of everything, acknowledge that work is STILL getting done! Amazing.

Episode 77: Time for Some Feedback on Feedback

We learn and grow when we know how we are doing, and, for most of us, our go-to method for figuring out how we are doing is to rely on the feedback of others. Still, many of us generally find giving and receiving feedback uncomfortable. How come? And, does it have something to do with the word itself??

Key Takeaways:

• There are differences between criticism and feedback, and one of the key differences is context. We need context!

• If you are asking for feedback, be specific about what you want feedback on.

• Feedback is so one-way! It feels like you just have to sit there and take it. It’s time to reframe feedback as a conversation.

Bonus Takeaway:

• While we all love sandwiches...no more sh$t sandwiches! Take the bread off and get to the point.

Episode 73: Mirror Mirror

Lately, it seems that we have had a lot more time to be introspective. Maybe it’s because of COVID (for sure, it is partially related to COVID), maybe it is because of the general state of the world… Who knows? What we do know… is that introspection and self-reflection generally lead to self-awareness, and self-awareness hopefully reduces jerkiness at work! In other words, when it comes to not being a jerk at work, it all starts with YOU! And US! (Not just you. We need the mirror, too!)

Key Takeaways:

• Reflection is thinking...about...something. 🤔 How is that for descriptive??

• If you notice you generally reflect during challenging times, try doing it when something has gone really well, too!

• It’s okay to be uncomfortable when we self-reflect. Keep looking anyway! Practice, practice, practice.

Episode 71: Toxic Positivity at Work

We thought it would be a strong contrast to follow up our gratitude episode with one on toxic positivity. Before we could even get into a discussion on this topic, we had to get clear on what the heck it is! Our nutshell definition goes something like this: glazing over or ignoring the crappiness of a situation and not acknowledging how hard something might be, and how negatively it may be impacting someone, a team or a company. Often, it’s combined with a lot of finding-of-silver-linings, something that the three of us, who lean towards being positive, are prone to do. We’ve got some contrasting points of view this time! At least we are still friends though. (See what we did there?) :)

Key Takeaways:

• One thing we all agreed on is that, at first, the notion of this made us mega eyerolllllll.

• Don’t pretend the tough stuff isn’t happening! If you’ve got crappy news to share with your team, be up front about it, having an authentic conversation, and then move to solution-finding.

• Positivity and platitudes are going to impact people in really different ways, and, as always, positive intention doesn’t mitigate impact. Three things to keep in mind: topic, timing, audience.

Episode 70: Gre-Attitude? Grrr-Attitude? What’s Your Attitude About Gratitude?

Are you a glass half full, silver lining, always-look-on-the-bright-side kind of person? Are you good at turning towards what you have? Does practicing gratitude come naturally to you? Or, are you someone who thinks that they could be better at feeling grateful for what you have? Or, are you someone who thinks that this gratitude stuff is way too woo woo for you? 

The three of us generally trend towards the optimistic and grateful side of the spectrum. But gratitude can be tricky. In this episode we discuss the paradoxical nature of gratitude: sometimes it serves us AND sometimes it might just lead us to tolerating more than we should. Conundrum? Yes, we think so.

PS: This episode was recorded in early November 2020.

Oh! And we kick off the episode with a quick statement of our guiding words/phrases for 2021.

Sandy: Reflection and Celebration
Sarah: Roll with It!
Tara: Lift

Key Takeaways:

• What’s the motivation to express gratitude? Is it a grounding practice? Is it to shift perspective? Is it about recognition of another? Or is it about connection?

• It’s possible that the pressure to be grateful (externally or internally applied) can lead us to inauthenticity, or to stay in situations that are less than awesome.

• There isn’t a templated way of expressing gratitude that works for all. Singing gorillas are not a one-size-fits-all approach. :)

Episode 69: Hindsight is 2020...Our Word of the Year Recap

It’s that time! We reflect on the words we had identified to guide us through 2020. Needless to say, this year really wasn’t what any of us expected. Did the words hold up?? 

These were our 2020 words (or, in the case of Sarah, phrases!):

Tara - LEVITY
Sarah - YOU’RE IN A FIELD
Sandy - CREATE

Sarah and Sandy already have their phrases and words for 2021! Tara, not so much. (Not a surprise.) 

And, Happy New Year! Thank you for listening.

Episode 68: Everyone is a Leader to Someone

Has anyone ever said anything to you that has just stuck? That definitely happened to us when our good friend and co-host, Tara Kemes, casually said one day, “Everyone is a leader to someone.” That was probably 3 years ago and since that time, this phrase has been repeated and used by us many times. Thank you Tara for those inspiring words and for inspiring our episode topic for today.

In this episode, we unpack our thoughts on what leadership is and how that definition has changed for us over time. We also talk about the limiting beliefs (from ourselves or others) that hold us back from being the leader we want to be. And then of course, we talk about ways to push back on those limiting beliefs.

Key Takeaways:

• Lead by example! Every time you make the choice to be a better workplace human, you give permission for someone else to do the same.

• Use these COVID times as an opportunity to practice being the leader you want to be.

• Leadership can happen anytime, anywhere, and everyday.

• Don’t worry about making mistakes and being perfect. Get back up and keep going, even if it feels kinda crappy on some days.

Episode 64: Arrested Development

*We had some connectivity issues at the start of this episode that affected the sound quality. Thanks for bearing with us! Clears up after the first several minutes.*

Are you feeling stuck? Many of us have taken the eye off our own learning and development in place of coping and just surviving in such uncertain times. Some of us may be feeling this more than ever due to COVID while others may have been feeling this way their whole working lives. How do we start (or restart) those conversations with our employers about investing in developing ourselves and our teams?

Key Takeaways:

• YOU (as an employee) are the main person responsible for driving your own learning and development.

• For both employees and employers...be aware of capacity! What can people realistically take on these days?

• Learning and development doesn’t just come from classes and training programs. Podcasts, books, discussions! Be curious! (Our favourite suggestion.) :)

Episode 59: Who do you BE?

WHAT do you want to be when you grow up? Or, what do you want to DO when you grow up? This is a classic question that, probably, many of us have been asked in our lives. What if the question was different? Rather, WHO do you BE? Take the focus off the what, and really make a bigger deal about WHO we want to BE.

How much does this version of the questions make us pause and really reflect? In this episode's conversation, we see we really have a lot in common when we look at who each of us are striving to be. 

Key Takeaways:

• Pause, take a moment and think, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” Will that prevent some jerky behaviours?

• Traveling...the great re-start! It’s like you get to be a fresh version of yourself!

• Dr. Bonnie Henry. Wow. She is really showing us another style of leadership. She is showing up as who she is. What an inspiration. You be YOU, Dr. Henry! Thank you!

Episode 57: The Gift of Asking for What You Need

These days, if you are fortunate to be healthy and working, you are probably working from home. If you are a boss, you have likely discovered that a “management by walking around style” doesn’t work as well during a pandemic. And, if you are an employee, it has likely meant that you need to take more responsibility for “being seen” and asking for what you need. But are you asking for too much? What is too much? When does asking for what you need start becoming “needy?”

Key Takeaways:

• Many of us are scared to ask for what we need. To overcome that fear, consider:

  • What will be different if I ask for what I need or ask to be supported differently?

  • What will happen if I continue keeping it to myself?

  • How would I feel if someone asked me for the same help/compassion we are asking of them?

• Challenge your own perceptions of why you might see someone as “needy”

• It’s a gift to help someone. And it’s a gift to allow someone to help us!

Episode 53: Leggo My Ego!

Oh, ego.

In this episode, we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly that can result from our egos taking centre stage. Egos can definitely lead to some jerky behaviours at work.

Tech note: We had some challenges with our sound this episode. The levels are off. Distance podcasting is not always easy! Thanks for bearing with us while we try to sort it out for next time!

Key Takeaways:

• Ego pro: Failure isn’t an option. It doesn’t even cross our minds, which means we may take some (smart) risks and have some excellent opportunities and results!

• Ego con: Can lead to hero behaviours. We can fix and solve everything, even when no one asks us to be their hero. Besides rubbing people the wrong way, this can also take away opportunities from other people to be accountable and try new things. 

• Ego and gender: are women judged with more skepticism when they show up with ego? Are men unfairly judged when they show up as confident? Hmmmm, we are a bit split on this one.

Episode 48: Attention Attention

A few episodes ago we conversed about emotional intelligence and how developing a high EQ may help us to reduce some jerky behaviours. Continuing on that thread, this week, we are talking about paying attention and noticing the people and work being done around us. If we intentionally tune in, do we notice things differently? If we want to be better workplace humans, what are the things we need to be noticing?

Key Takeaways:

• Three questions to ask ourselves:

  • How do I want to show up today?

  • How did I show up today?

  • How do I know? (Did I leave the impression I thought I did??)

• Reflect back on some feedback you’ve received; take stock and identify what might be areas for you to focus on for professional development. It might even be something you are already good at and you can get even better at!

• Make sure we don’t only notice the negative stuff. Make an effort to notice the good work people are doing, too!

Episode 46: You Must Be Mistaken

Phrases like, “we learn from our mistakes,” and “fail fast, fail often” imply that there is no shame in making a mistake. Is that really true? Or are we mistaken? While we are surrounded by learning opportunities every day, we’re not sure that all mistakes are treated equally. On today’s episode, we talk about the reality of making mistakes at work. 

Key Takeaways:

• There is a difference between good faith mistakes vs bad faith mistakes. Good faith mistakes, generally, don’t destroy trust. 

• Making responsible mistakes is inevitable when we try and get away from perfection paralysis! This is the same when we are growing in our careers and trying things for the first time.

• If we say we are encouraging and forgiving of learning mistakes made by others, are we as forgiving with ourselves when we make a mistake?

Episode 38: Minisode - Don't Say Another Word...Yet!

At the start of 2019, we each picked a word for the year that we believed would be meaningful for us and would be our guide as we traveled through 2019. Now, here we are, about to wrap up the last of the teen years of the 21st century. We look back and consider how our words served us these last 12 months.

Happy New Year! We look forward to sharing more conversations with you in 2020!

Episode 9: Minisode: 2019 Intentions

It’s a new year and for many (including us), it’s a time for reflection and goal setting. In our first ever minisode, we each talk about our “word for the year”; the word that represents how we will thrive in 2019. What’s your word for the year? What energizes you? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at info@dontbeajerkatwork.ca. Happy 2019!

Episode 10: Gratitudes, Vol. 1

On our episodes to date, we’ve talked about many frustrating and jerky behaviours that we’ve experienced and observed over the years as well as ways to not be a jerk at work. On today’s episode, we flip the switch on our learning approach and talk about the things (big and little) that we and others do at work that make work life that much better.

Key Takeaways:

• Say thank you. And say it often.

• Really take the time to make someone feel seen and heard.

• Show up authentically and be the value that you want to see.

• Take time (daily, monthly, annually) to reflect on the people who have inspired, guided, and influenced how you work and show up to work. And let them know.

• Think about what gestures you do and can continue to do (big and small) that lift up and inspire others.

• Just walking the talk can inspire people. You never know what impact you could be leaving right now or who is looking to you for inspiration.

A huge shout out to Wendy Williams Watt and Big Love Ball for inviting us to record this special episode in their space. Wendy created this interactive art movement as an invitation to connect and to spread the message of inclusion and compassion. Thanks Wendy and Madison!

Episode 14: To Stress of Not to Stress

One of biggest influences on how we act and behave is our stress level (real or perceived). On this episode, we talk about stress and work…how it presents in you and in others, how it impacts your work, and ways to manage it so that it doesn’t lead you to becoming a jerk at work.

Key Takeaways:

• Don’t be afraid to have a conversation about stress; approach it with curiosity and consider the lens through which you are seeing the situation, your mood, where the other person is at, and timing

• Figuring out how stress presents in you is an important part of learning how to manage it

• There is an optimal level of stress; be able to differentiate between “growth” stress and “soul-sucking” stress

• Don’t be a jerk to yourself!